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Finally taking care of my (non-mental) health! and sd training accomplishment!

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Strangelongtrip

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Essentially my entire life my mom has told me all of my symptoms are "normal" and "she has them too everyone has them" and I didn't seek mental health help until I was nearly dead about four years ago after a horrific relationship. Since then my mental health has gone through ups and down down downs, but for the first time in three years I'm off of all antidepressants, only on Geodon and medicinal, and I am finally taking care of all those symptoms I was told were normal for so long! I feel like I've finally got the mental health aspect under control and am good at coping (mainly thanks to my amazing therapist, that man is a godsend and I am so fortunate to have found that therapy group), and I've started to actually see okay, this and this aren't normal, and are actually dangerous.

I was getting dehydrated from digestive issues, and had been for the past four or five years. I also am constantly dizzy. When I stand up my heart rate spikes from like 78 to about 120 and I almost pass out and my vision blurs. I also feel very far away, like dissociation from anxiety and panic but it isn't the same because it doesn't have a trigger and I know the difference now. I had this happen while I was driving this week and it scared me out of my mind and I told my granddad and he's taking me seriously and going to help me. I'm tracking it and going to my doctor and then a cardiologist to rule out some things and if I need to be diagnosed I can be diagnosed (I'm worried it's POTS to be honest, I've had it since adolescence and SNRIs have always made it 100x worse, as well as feeling like I am having a panic attack but not a panic attack and blacking out for a second or two every time I'm exercising but having no clear reason, my heart is just messed up). I also am tired all of the time but it doesn't have to do with mood, and chronic pain as well. I guess I'm seeing now that these things aren't caused by my medication or my mental illness but actual physical ailments and I'm finally taking care of them!

As well, my SDIT Korra put in work this week and tasked for the first time in public. We ran errands with my parents for around 3 hours and I was in one store that has triggering imagery and I started to dissociate and stare at nothing and feel so out of it. I have it all the time in that store and usually try to leave quickly, but I couldn't move. Korra started leading me out of the store, very gently and calmy, and found a place for me to sit down. Then I told her "pressure" (even though my voice was super weak) she snapped right in deep pressure therapy position and we sat there for maybe 10 minutes until I was back in my body. She was so good and stayed in position and stayed focus even when people stared at her and made weird noises. Then when I was done she led me back to my parents and wagged her tail. She was all business, not even proud of herself, more like I'm just doing my job. I love this dog so much.

I also set a budget for myself and have been sticking to it, which has been super hard. I've been all over the place spending, but with this guide I'm doing much better!

That's my accomplishments for the week! Thanks for reading~
 
So I went to cardiologist, all of that came back normal. Someone on a service dog forum mused that I may have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). Went to an allergist, probably the best doctor I have ever met, everything came back normal but my prostaglandin d2 s, which was 10x the level it should be. A mast cell mediator. I go in and talk to him this week. Hopefully, he’ll be able to figure out a plan for me. For now, medicinal is helping with the pain, Gatorade with the dizziness, and my SDIT with stress management. She’s also been picking up on when I have an episode, and does DPT or tactile stimulation. I’m getting through my classes well though!
 
Yep, it's POTS. Doctor didn't want to do a tilt table test, said it was barbaric and I already have all the signs. But when I actually take my cardiologist's advice of salt, lots of water, and compression socks, I'm able to at least function. Still dizzy anytime I stand up. I've had my heart rate jump from 113 to 170 just from standing without the socks, with the socks it's more like 70 to 110 which is an improvement. Little rant haha. Now to figure out why my joints pop and everything aches!!! Doctors are scaring me less, and I'm able to feel valid in my symptoms and "real", which is a huge improvement from when I made this post. Reading back I feel like I was too hard on my mom. It's my responsibility to take myself seriously. I can't blame my parents, well I could but it doesn't solve my issues. Their support would make it easier, yes, but it isn't necessary for me to seek help. It never was! I'm learning!! haha
 
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