Guilt After Talking About Past Abuse

[violet1234]

So I had an appointment with T this past week, and I finally talked to her about some of the stuff that happened between me and my coach when I was younger. I'm kind of in a desperate place right now, because I told her with the hope that my nightmares would back off. That has not happened yet, and I am getting very tired of being woken up every night by them.

Part of me feels a great relief at telling her something I've kept secret for so long. But a part of me feels guilty. My question is, is that normal? Why do I have such a feeling of guilt associated with talking to her about what he used to do to me?

I'm feeling very confused, and frustrated.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't know if its normal, but it happened that way for me. Big sense of relief, then flashbacks, nightmares, guilt. My therapist told me to write down the story over and over. Not every second but when things came up for me. That helped process it. ((((violet)))), it is a difficult process but it works.

 

[maddog]

Sharing trauma is such a conflicted, complex, turbulent process, and in some sense, I don't think there's such a thing as a "normal" reaction. Given how conflicted and tormenting the experiences were for you at the time, it is almost inevitable that the whole spectrum of those feelings will be uncovered now that you have gone some way to sharing the secret.

Personally, I have, in most cases, experienced a lot of emotion and difficulty at the time of disclosure, followed by a sense of relief and reassurance usually corresponding with the validating response of my therapist, followed by a sense of dulled panic and a "what have I done" fear that has lessened somewhat over time and as my relationship with my therapist has strengthened, and then, in the days and weeks that follow, periods of shame and guilt, relief, intrusive memories and corresponding thoughts and feelings, and then, ultimately, a gradual levelling out of all of those experiences to a place in which I can really "feel" that sharing was the right thing for me.

Sometimes I think we place an expectation on ourselves that the greatest and only challenge is in getting the words out and sharing the trauma. Once we've done that, it will all get better, right?

Sadly, such complex challenges aren't ever that simple I don't think. What matters is that you give yourself permission to experience everything you are experiencing, focus on sharing and processing through those reactions with your T (which is probably the most important part of processing) and accepting that such processing is a slow process but one worth its challenges.

Maddog

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

followed by a sense of dulled panic and a "what have I done" fear that has lessened somewhat over time

Entirely recognizable. It fades over time. After five years of therapy, telling people about what happened to me doesn't make me feel guilty anymore. When I need to tell somebody, it feels pretty normal. I used to feel almost apologetic for the stuff that I'd been through. It's hard to acknowledge that these (traumatic) things happen.

 

[John7377]

I'm 9 months into therapy with my doc and talking about my problems over and over hase not made it any easier to talk about them. I get choked up every time. My doc has mentioned taking a coping class where you write down your past trauma and discuss it in open session with other veterans. I'm not sure about sharing like this. My guess is that the goal of this kind of therapy is to desensitize your subconscious to the trauma. In my case, talking about my past trauma remains difficult. I'm thinking of burying it again.

John