How Do You Overcome Self Doubt - Being Too Hard On Yourself?

[TJ3434]

Today has been a lot better since yesterday with all of the childhood flashbacks. I am a new member and joined last night. Loving all of the support and positive responses from everyone. I had a conversation with my best friend, coworker, today about my self doubt. How I developed this during my years living with my aggressive father.

I'll find myself doubting my successes and taking all of my failures and building on that. If I happen to see a cute girl, I'll assume I don't have the confidence to talk to her. Or for example, if I make a mistake at work I then let it fester and almost ruin my day at times. Its the little things that have been tearing me down lately, and especially my short temper connected to that. I have been interested in therapy and hoping to set something up soon. I am also looking for a job since I graduated college, but wondering if I am capable of accomplishing that as well. A lot of self doubt lately ladies and gentleman!

I just want to know what you all think about self doubt, maybe you went through it as well throughout your early 20's and beyond. Any solutions, feedback, or general opinions would be greatly appreciated!

Have a wonderful day everyone.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have TONS of self doubt. Tons and tons and tons....

One guy I was dating over the summer told me that this was what he hated about me most. That is, the self doubt and always being so hard on myself, being unable to take a compliment. I guess this may be a bit tangential to what you're saying, but my self doubt spirals into self hate and its just bad.... The next guy I started talking to pretty much said the same thing and that never got off the ground. I stopped talking to him awhile ago. Now I'm talking to a new guy and I can feel all of those thoughts of self-doubt come creeping back in. I'm not good enough (who would want me as I'm on disability!?!), I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, etc.

It doesn't matter that people tell me I'm smart, it doesn't matter that people compliment my looks, it doesn't matter that people tell me my position in life right now is not a concern.....I STILL have tons of self-doubt.

I can't remember what my 20's were exactly like in terms of self-doubt, but I know I had a lot. Well, I just know that things have spiraled and gotten worse in my 30's, but that's because I have other things going on, too, which have exacerbated the issue. And then the obsessive thoughts kick in and its just not good....

I am working on it though. I know its an issue and I'm trying to do more 'reality checks' in order to try and see myself like everyone else does.

 

[TJ3434]

Sending positive vibes to you Solara!

 

[Nam]

It takes honest work. You have to rework how your brain thinks. And then work at it some more until it becomes the first thought. Of all the abuse you have had, every negative thing your father has said, paved the way for negative thoughts. In order to break that, you have to rethink it. So, it takes conscious work at times. When you make a mistake, make sure you only put the appropriate amount of criticism on yourself. Make sure you are not holding more blame than there is to be had. If you are having body reactions: adrenalin rush, faster heart rate, sweating, blushing, etc., remember to not let that color the event. (This is what might be causing your quick temper. Not being able to control the physical reactions.) It takes honest work to think positively about yourself and to make progress. Many of us are frozen in place, afraid to make a move for fear that it might not work. Don't let that keep you.

I'm well into my healing...and I can tell you that eventually, you might be able to embrace the history you had and turn it into something positive. You will be able to think of attributes that you have that are good that came from being raised in a hostile environment. I don't want to share mine because you have your own story to write.

 

[ghotiff]

Maybe tackle on at a time. Pick something that's not too bad, but getting in the way of something important.

Try positive affirmations to help you reframe that self doubt. Not over the top affirmations, but gentle reframing.

Then look at others who are similar to you in terms of abities and ask yourself how you would judge them. You might find it that you are much harder on yourself. This frame of reference can help you be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

Hope that helps.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have this kind of self doubt that always makes me think that when something happens between a friend and I that is bad, that it is my fault. I take everything too personally and think that something that just happens is due to something I did or said. If someone does not answer an email I send them, I think they are mad at me. I doubt that I can hold down a job, because I was not able to do so for more than 4 months at a time with the few jobs I have had, so I am on Social Security Disability (Government funds that help disabled people). I have doubts about my abilities in many areas of life, although I finally took a huge step of faith and joined my church's choir, even though I can hardly read music. Why did I do that? I felt the Lord Jesus calling me to do so, and so I pray before we sing, asking that I get it right, and I do, thanks be to God. I also have a great ability to remember a tune and the rhythm to it too, thankfully. I guess I should learn to have more faith, and pray for other abilities, but right now, this is about all I can do.

 

[darrenS]

i have had many problems with self doubt , and it has been a constant companion. I found the best way to cope with it , was to believe at the very least i could do one thing well, and then pour all my efforts in too making something of it - you have to move forward and if you try and just be patient and keep going, if you feel your going to slip, and step backwards...relax...if you can talk to someone...if not...find a quiet place ..let it pass..and then get up again ..tell yourself good things that you know you can do...even many of the very best are wracked with self doubt...its ok...just start with small things and let it grow ..remind yourself ...you are the driver ...not the passenger anymore. Good luck with your journey...your are young and self aware ..that in itself is a good start.

 

[Friday]

Self deprecating humor.

Meaning I run with it, and make it funny. Maybe not funny to anyone else but me, but that's just fine. Because if I can make myself laugh, I may f*ck it up all the same, but at least I've enjoyed doing it.

Very, very few people see me raw.
When I can't control my affect?
'Call me David Copperfield *Poof* Gone before you blink'

Isolating might could be not the healthiest option out there, but it's how I maintain my self respect. That, and laughing at myself at every given opportunity. Life is too hard, and too painful, not to take every available moment of bliss and laughter out of it that I can.

 

[Anrish]

I also have self doubts all the time. Most people think I'm intelligent and a quick thinker, might be the case - but I'm still doubting every choice I make. When it comes to work, I'm pretty sure of most what I do - but as soon as the social component comes up, I'm feeling insecure.

I feel responsible for almost everything, blame myself. My best friend is practising with me not to apologize for everything.

I self doubt my body, my soul, my way of thinking....even if I know that I couldn't do things like everyone else does, I still feel like a mismatch to this world.

And the biggest thing I doubt is me being female. I'm too good, too fast, too strong, to strong-willed and to successfull....men and women have a problem with me. Men are accepted that way, but as a woman you're a failure. I often dress and act like a man, I even thought about a surgery....but I just stay myself. It's hard not to doubt yourself when you made clear for yourself that you're neither woman (okay, body is female) nor man...just yourself. Always doubting this and me and all my roles in society, family....

 

[Britt.f7]

I just try and talk myself out of whatever defeating thought I have. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. It's a constant thing I do. Self doubting his deeply ingrained.

 

[illusionist]

I give myself a good mental kick.....a harsh one. I am old enough now to know myself, know who I am, and what I'm capable of......Have worked hard to reach that understanding. Occasionally it fails me, but I am human.