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My diary of random thoughts

Thread starter #182
You don't deserve punishment, sorry you feel like that. Alone can be really good I think, not forever but for a time. I know the frustration of meds, therapy too...are you still seeing someone?
Yes, still seeing someone. And still miserable in life. I will never be content. I will never be happy. I used to be happy all the time. I used to be happy!!! Reality sucks! It all sucks
Thread starter #183
Well, my ex used to say you have to break a person down and build them back up- like the military. He broke me down, but didn’t build me back up. I am so tired of the reject from everyone and the attention from people I don’t want. What the hell is wrong with me????
Thread starter #184
I used to think that I deserved better in life until I was arrested. Now, I don’t think I do. It’s so weird...I’ve never felt like this before and so many bad things have happened it is ridiculous. I can’t stop the feelings. I wish they were gone
Thread starter #185
I am not going to get an expungement. Or go to Canada, or get my series 7, or a house. I have no one. I have yet to meet anyone in my situation. I take on the weird ass personality of people I meet, and it’s weird. Everything is all messed up and I know it is because I am the loser. No one knows how much this has affected me. Everyone else’s lives have moved on- families, marriage. I can’t have kids. I don’t really have that many friends. I am so screwed.
Thread starter #187
Still no interest in trying to change these distorted thoughts?
It’s really, really, really hard. I am shy. I don’t speak up for myself anymore because I don’t know how to, and when I do, and it doesn’t work out, it’s just another blow to my soul. This whole thing that happened to me with my ex really messed me up bad. I really don’t feel good enough as a person anymore because the judge took his side. No one knows what happened but him and I, and it just messed with me 😢 Constant rejection is so hard. I don’t know what to think anymore...
Thread starter #189
Are you working with a therapist? (Forgive me, I can't remember, I'm sure you've said already...)
Yes. This is just really hard. My whole life was flipped upside down by someone who wanted to do bad to me and no one cares but my family and friends. And, I want so bad to meet someone, but now I’m scared, and I always do t feel good enough.
Thread starter #190
I am going to court Monday...I’m nervous about it. All this stuff about emotional trauma is so confusing. All I know is he messed up my life, and I can’t get my body to calm down. And everything I do to try and relax and stay in the moment is awful. Everything is a trigger for me. EVERYTHING. I am in high alert all the time. All I can think about is just weird stuff. God, he messed with me and I can’t move on because there is nothing better in my eyes. Stupid, yes. I am constantly dumped and used by people. And the ones I know that treat me well, I am not attracted to. No one can tell me if I’m pretty, ugly, smart or good enough. This is just so bad...I never thought about those things before. What the hell is going on with me???
Thread starter #192
What are you going to court for on monday?
To get a disturbing the peace charge dismissed. All I can say is trauma is awful. It literally takes away your brain power to think. When someone messes with you so bad, and your life, it really makes you depressed. I am so sad 😭 and this anxiety and weirdness is just killing me.
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