Psychiatrist Pushed My Flashbacks Too Far

[new gamma rays]

I had what amounted to a complete mental blow out today. I guess the day didn't start too well since I was already worked up by a trigger in the house and most of my days are pretty stressful. I've been seeing this psychiatrist that my parents found who makes house visits - which helps because I have chronic pain and usually have a short window for appointments. I was not prepared for this appointment (or most appointments in general). I don't even remember what started it exactly - but once I got emotionally triggered I could not stop. Things were just starting to come to the surface that happened two years ago and I didn't have time to figure out what was the memory that was eliciting the emotional response before this guy was pushing in with questions that I didn't have time to answer well. But since all these emotions were flooding me I started to become more impulsive and combative in my responses. After a certain point I felt I should just walk away to protect myself.

But then he asked my parents out - which is a MAJOR trigger. My parents hired a 'therapist' 3 years ago when I was having really bad physical problems and stressed out of my mind - none of which they understood. All they understood was that certain things were triggers and they wanted to force a solution out of me. Well within in three or four visits they were planning to forcibly hospitalize me if I didn't make three appointments in two days. It blew up and it ended with me being physically combative in a situation where I felt totally overwhelmed and threatened. So in my impulsive emotional state, my parents meeting with this guy to hash out what was to be done left me unable to brake. I just kept getting more worked up, which only served for them to talk more, etc. etc. And no matter how much I tried to yell that this was working me up and that it would be best to let me calm down they wouldn't listen. this went on for like forty minutes and I had nothing to help me.

I just feel violated. I don't know how much was just buried trauma coming to the surface, or reaction to this psyhciatrists tone. But the fact that nobody really tried to halt the proceedings as I was going out of control just makes me angrier and angrier and feel more victimized.

 

[maddog]

I'm sorry, this sounds like an extraordinarily distressing experience and it's little wonder you feel violated and victimised. I am a firm believer in the existence of a therapeutic window - a mental and emotional space/level of arousal where the surfaced emotions, memories, thoughts, feelings and responses are intense enough to be authentic, but not so intense and distressing as to push you into survival mode. Once this "window" is exceeded, I think that not only is therapy pointless because your brain is unable to process or integrate anything, but it is also extremely, and unjustifiably, retraumatising. It sounds as though you had the latter experience today.

Without knowing more about the dynamic between yourself, your parents and your psychiatrist, it's hard to comment fairly on what the intention or appropriateness of involving all of them at the time might have been, but whichever way, I'm sorry you felt unheard and violated.

What do you feel you'd like to do about this situation once you've calmed down a little bit. It sounds like a situation you want to address, and quite rightly so, in which case perhaps a direct discussion with your psychiatrist and/or your parents might be a challenging but important option? What do you think? I think it's important that you try to take back some conscious and planned control in this situation from here, as it sounds as though, in part, that is what has been taken away from you.

Sorry again that this happened. It sounds horrifically upsetting.

Maddog

 

[Seasounds]

I believe that your senses are good. It is always best to have a psychiatrist or therapist, who is not personally or socially involved with their patient, their patient's family or their patient's friends. Secondly, the provider should be sensitive too your trigger level and protect you.. Thirdly,the politics of having someone else pay for therapy, often becomes problematic.

Given your circumstances, I wonder what other options, of psychiatrist, of payment, and location for therapy, you might explore?

 

[MissMacD]

You need to see someone who specializes in trauma therapy. Trust me on this, I have been there with shrinks trying to squeeze information out of me at a pace I could not keep up with. I avoided help for years simply because the help I did receive was more damaging then helpful.

Two therapies that many people on the forum try are CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). I've done CBT therapy and it has made a huge difference in my life.

 

[Hashi]

I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences, recently and in the past.

Is there a reason that your parents are so involved in your therapy? I'm afraid I don't know whether this might be unavoidable, for example because of your age or because you need that support due to the amount of pain you're in.

If it's possible for you to have therapy more independently of your parents (ie finding your own therapist, who doesn't have any direct contact with them) then I would strongly suggest this.

I've found that psychiatrists in general are trained to work in a way that isn't so much centred on listening to clients and working with them in partnership, but more about diagnosing, directing their medication and making treatment decisions - more like taking charge of certain aspects. It sounds like that would be far from ideal for you.

Of course it varies, and some psychiatrists do offer supportive counselling as well. In general though, I find a qualified psychotherapist who specialises in trauma would be better for providing support, guidance and listening.

 

[Abstract]

I agree with Hashi that psychiatrists are rarely good at counselling. You do get some who are very good and do do it but usually they are much more interested in the medical aspect of it and diagnoses and can lack tact counselling skills.

It also sounds like a key part of this is that noone is taking your safety (as in speed and safety of therapy) seriously and that is leaving you feeling re traumatised.

If no one is listening could you write your parents a letter? Why did your parents give you the altermatum? Is there something that made it urgent you get treatment?

 

[bell]

I'm so sorry that you had this happen to you, @new gamma rays! I've had a therapist push me too far, too, and it's, well, not pretty. I've also had parents involved in therapy and that, too, is not pretty. (Thankfully, for me, though that was 20 years ago!) One thing to remember here, is that even though they did it wrong, they probably did what they did because they care. I repeat: they did it wrong, though. :)

And yes, extricating your parents if you can is a good thing. If you don't have the finances to do that, I'd suggest going to a local church/temple/whatever faith-based place you desire and talking to them. While they are going to be loads different that a psychiatrist, they will talk to you for free, and given their experiences with the people in their congregation, generally have some experience with trauma. (However, I am not saying they are the same as a psychiatrist specialized in trauma!)

Just trying to think outside the box on who you could talk to for free that would not involve your parents here... and who might be able to help you find someone who is not under your parents employ.