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On the small amount of information you have given i feel you have answered this yourself. Telling people who need support you are here for them no matter what no strings is important it's good to talk we human need our space sometimes to be ourselves but we cannot live in total isolation we need interaction to survive
blackemerald1
VIP Member
Why answer her at all? She's just giving you a sitrep.
She will let you know when she is ready. It is ALL up to her.
She will let you know when she is ready. It is ALL up to her.
I was considering that. A bit too late for that. She did like a post of mine on Facebook today, so that's something I guess.
mumstheword
VIP Member
What about something short and sweet like "I'm here when you're ready to talk. I'm not going anywhere."
Leave the ball in her court and work on yourself. Most girls feel pressured and suss if a guy seems too eager and if he puts up with too much of our crap. It's much more attractive if he plays it cool, is busy doing things and getting on with life and who is relaxedly open but not pursuing. Be her friend. Don't give advice unless she asks for it. Let her know you are doing well so she can lay off guilting herself about how she's been treating you. The best thing you can do for her is work on your own stability and wellbeing. Don't encourage her to think your life revolves around her in any way, as that is way too much pressure. Just be open and relaxed and kind without eagerness or pushiness. Attractive guys have loads going on in their lives, they are kind, warm and solid characters, but they never act overeager or people-pleasy, that's called cuckiness.. That's just my 2 cents worth though. Take what rings true and leave the rest.
Leave the ball in her court and work on yourself. Most girls feel pressured and suss if a guy seems too eager and if he puts up with too much of our crap. It's much more attractive if he plays it cool, is busy doing things and getting on with life and who is relaxedly open but not pursuing. Be her friend. Don't give advice unless she asks for it. Let her know you are doing well so she can lay off guilting herself about how she's been treating you. The best thing you can do for her is work on your own stability and wellbeing. Don't encourage her to think your life revolves around her in any way, as that is way too much pressure. Just be open and relaxed and kind without eagerness or pushiness. Attractive guys have loads going on in their lives, they are kind, warm and solid characters, but they never act overeager or people-pleasy, that's called cuckiness.. That's just my 2 cents worth though. Take what rings true and leave the rest.
That's what led to this. She was symptomatic, I was in a manic phase and made her feel smothered and surprised. When I'm worked up I get anxiety attacks easily and then act impulsively.
Was worried for her well being, but played it off as trying to make conversation throughout the day. Mistake, made me seem starved for attention, which she said she couldn't deal with in her current state. I'm diagnosed and medicated now. Feel alot better since that and since I've heard from her.
It was my insecurities that attracted her to me initially, oddly. Guess it felt safe.
It's probably not going to be the same. The "I miss you"s, the "wish you were here"s, the affection, the supportiveness, being able to see my anytime and have me around for days... it was the sudden lack of these things that set off my panic
My reply the other day was level headed. Told her I was glad she reached out, happy to respect space, that I'm okay and here if she needs me or is ready to talk. I said this too shall pass and I hope that didn't come off badly.
Sorry for double replying
I realize now that I made her feel guilty in September, told her I turned someone down to be just friends and that I couldn't feel for anyone else right now. Her negative response to that made me assume it's over. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but a friend of hers knew and thought I'd moved on.
Now I understand. She feels like she's holding me back.
I realize now that I made her feel guilty in September, told her I turned someone down to be just friends and that I couldn't feel for anyone else right now. Her negative response to that made me assume it's over. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but a friend of hers knew and thought I'd moved on.
Now I understand. She feels like she's holding me back.
I don't know if I should set a boundary or not, would it help or just push her further away? It's been so long... I don't want to give up on such a kind person that helped me with my own fears.
I'm enjoying life but I'm often wondering how she's doing in the back of my mind. That wouldn't change no matter what decision I make. She's trying hard so I want to as well. I guess I need a little reassurance but that's hard to find.
I'm enjoying life but I'm often wondering how she's doing in the back of my mind. That wouldn't change no matter what decision I make. She's trying hard so I want to as well. I guess I need a little reassurance but that's hard to find.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
No, I think you still misunderstand. She doesn’t feel like she’s holding you back imho. Holding on is just too much PRESSURE.
I don’t understand how you’d set a boundary. If she’s not in your life, there is no such thing as setting a boundary.....or rather, what’s the point? She’s so far away that she’s not in jeopardy of violating any boundary that you’d set anyway. Boundary....like a fence around you. She’s like three states away. See what I mean? A boundary only matters if she’s in your life in some form.
I don’t understand how you’d set a boundary. If she’s not in your life, there is no such thing as setting a boundary.....or rather, what’s the point? She’s so far away that she’s not in jeopardy of violating any boundary that you’d set anyway. Boundary....like a fence around you. She’s like three states away. See what I mean? A boundary only matters if she’s in your life in some form.
blackemerald1
VIP Member
^^ Just move on. Curiosity and pity are not good foundations for a relationship. She hasn't contacted you again has she?
Haven't heard from her in a couple weeks. Just move on? Move onto what? I can't just stop my brain from thinking about someone. That would be nice but it doesn't work that way. She told me she hasn't forgotten about me, and I couldn't forget about her if I wanted to. She could feel better tomorrow for all I know.
I guess there are no words of wisdom to make me feel less sad about all this, just people telling me I'm some kind of fool...
I guess there are no words of wisdom to make me feel less sad about all this, just people telling me I'm some kind of fool...
Freida
VIP Member
I don't think you are a fool. I think you are hopeful. But. I also think it is ok to go on with your life while you are waiting for her to get her crap together. Then YOU can decide if you really want her back if she shows back up. Or you may have moved on and she will be nothing but a memory.
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