Mee
MyPTSD Pro
Regarding ‘professional’ . I agree the relationship is professional. But professional relationships can be ‘real’.
Surrogates are an example of reality I think ( in some countries it’s not legal to be paid to be a surrogate ). I think there are many teachers who care about the group but not the individual- but some who genuinely do care about each child in their class- and while it’s a job there is real emotional connection. ( I wrote to my first teacher a some years ago and she remembered me and who my friends were and details like that) . Impressive.
Nannies/ childminders. I bet they often care very much for the children. Dh is still in touch with at least one of his .
Professional doesn’t have to been not intimate or disingenuous. Paying for the service means to me that implies the safety of professional standards and structure ( for both parties) . It gives T the option to remind me kindly) of something contradictory I said a year ago (and then talk through why all people are contradictory but talk about if I’m changing or if I’m responding) , It creates a power dynamic where I can surrender some autonomy without feeling so vulnerable. It makes the idea of boundaries, expectations and obligations into professional standards. I expect my T to show up, do her job and behave kindly / respectfully/ responsibly/ frankly and communicate well. I expect myself to show up , do my homework, or give it a good try and go back to her with the problems, and communicate well and speak respectfully/ truthfully.
( These are good models with different boundaries for every type of relationship- And if I don’t like the way someone treats me - even if it’s not a professional relationship I can move the boundaries of the relationship to passing wave or not entertaining that cheeky monkey )
So yes- I’d definitely agree my T relationship is professional. And boundaried . ( my T has strict rules about social engagement if we end up at the same function or something) And one sided ( I know some details about her personal life, her dog sometimes comes to t sessions but not things like a partners name or status .
But I don’t think those things make it artificial. I think they confine it to being a therapist and patient relationship rather than a friendship or anything else and that’s healthy and necessary.
Surrogates are an example of reality I think ( in some countries it’s not legal to be paid to be a surrogate ). I think there are many teachers who care about the group but not the individual- but some who genuinely do care about each child in their class- and while it’s a job there is real emotional connection. ( I wrote to my first teacher a some years ago and she remembered me and who my friends were and details like that) . Impressive.
Nannies/ childminders. I bet they often care very much for the children. Dh is still in touch with at least one of his .
Professional doesn’t have to been not intimate or disingenuous. Paying for the service means to me that implies the safety of professional standards and structure ( for both parties) . It gives T the option to remind me kindly) of something contradictory I said a year ago (and then talk through why all people are contradictory but talk about if I’m changing or if I’m responding) , It creates a power dynamic where I can surrender some autonomy without feeling so vulnerable. It makes the idea of boundaries, expectations and obligations into professional standards. I expect my T to show up, do her job and behave kindly / respectfully/ responsibly/ frankly and communicate well. I expect myself to show up , do my homework, or give it a good try and go back to her with the problems, and communicate well and speak respectfully/ truthfully.
( These are good models with different boundaries for every type of relationship- And if I don’t like the way someone treats me - even if it’s not a professional relationship I can move the boundaries of the relationship to passing wave or not entertaining that cheeky monkey )
So yes- I’d definitely agree my T relationship is professional. And boundaried . ( my T has strict rules about social engagement if we end up at the same function or something) And one sided ( I know some details about her personal life, her dog sometimes comes to t sessions but not things like a partners name or status .
But I don’t think those things make it artificial. I think they confine it to being a therapist and patient relationship rather than a friendship or anything else and that’s healthy and necessary.