Background: my mother found out my stepfather raped and was molesting me when I was six years old. She initially reported him to the police then recanted her story. He was released from jail with an ankle monitor. She helped him break the ankle monitor and hid him from the law for years until the charges were dropped. The molestation continued. My mother found out a second time he was molesting me when I was a teenager. She blamed me for his molesting me and for the destruction of their marriage. She was mean, angry and physically, emotionally abusive towards me. She called me a whore, all the names in the book. We lived like that, my stepdad having sex with me while she knew for a long time until we all split. I went with him and my brother went with my mother.
Current day: my aunt wants to take me on a trip that requires my passport. I have to apply for one so I need my birth certificate which is at my mother's house. I asked my brother if he could get it for me but he is out of town. I texted my mother asking her to please mail it to me. She responded, "Where was my birthday phone call? Where was my mother's day phone call?"
I wanted to respond, "Where was my protection when your husband raped me? Where was my mother when my stepdad groomed and molested me all those years?" But I got cold feet and have not responded yet.
I know I will just have to order a new birth certificate. My question is, how should I respond to her? Should I say what I want to say? She will become angry and her current husband doesn't deserve her rage. But if I don't respond, will I be doing myself a disservice, allowing her to talk to me like that? Allowing her to make me out to be this bad person when I'm not.
I am feeling depressed about it, I can tell I'm starting to feel bad about myself like my self-esteem is tanking. I feel like a piece of shit, deserving of anything that comes my way. Suicidal ideation, I feel like I'm slipping into a depression. I feel less reactive, numb and don't care what happens to me.
Current day: my aunt wants to take me on a trip that requires my passport. I have to apply for one so I need my birth certificate which is at my mother's house. I asked my brother if he could get it for me but he is out of town. I texted my mother asking her to please mail it to me. She responded, "Where was my birthday phone call? Where was my mother's day phone call?"
I wanted to respond, "Where was my protection when your husband raped me? Where was my mother when my stepdad groomed and molested me all those years?" But I got cold feet and have not responded yet.
I know I will just have to order a new birth certificate. My question is, how should I respond to her? Should I say what I want to say? She will become angry and her current husband doesn't deserve her rage. But if I don't respond, will I be doing myself a disservice, allowing her to talk to me like that? Allowing her to make me out to be this bad person when I'm not.
I am feeling depressed about it, I can tell I'm starting to feel bad about myself like my self-esteem is tanking. I feel like a piece of shit, deserving of anything that comes my way. Suicidal ideation, I feel like I'm slipping into a depression. I feel less reactive, numb and don't care what happens to me.