Giving Up Therapy And Falling To Pieces.

[Meadowsweet]

The title pretty much sums it up.

I had been feeling better and wanted to live my life and get on with the future, and I felt that keep going to therapy and talking about the past wasn't helping anymore.

The week before the session in which I had to make my decision (to stop or keep going), I felt tearful and sensitive. My therapist asked if it was related to the possibility of stopping therapy, and i didn't think it was. I thought I was just pre-menstrual.

But two weeks has passed since I had the last session, and I feel like I'm falling apart, and have made the stupidist decision of my life.

I'm so upset with myself, and I'm so foggy, I can't see the ways through. I try to be nurturing, but it lasts a few minutes before my mind goes back to feeling like its just happened and there's no one to turn to

I was meant to leave therapy when I was emotionally self sufficient, and that's what I want to be. But I'm obviously not self-sufficient, and I don't know how to be. I don't know what to do. I can't go back to therapy (I don't want to either), but i don't know what to do to move forward. I don't want to just fall apart again otherwise it's all been for nothing.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am confused why you gave up therapy? You say becasue you don't want to keep talking about the past and that is understandable so what about just changing what you talk about in therapy? Instead of the past with all the abuse then talk about your goals, achievements and discussions about your quality of life.

The next step in therapy is moving forward, being able to make goals and having a positive life after abuse.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I gave up therapy because I wanted to move on from talking about stuff, and start living a life.

I'm not an expert in therapy, and don't know what the next step ought to have been. I just felt that it wasn't helping to talk anymore.

 

[The Albatross]

This is sort of where the "rubber hits the road". If it wasn't helping talking anymore, then try to attempt some doing and try to hold yourself to some basic self care skills? It could happen.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I guess I've been stupid then, and should have stayed in therapy? There's the saying, you've made your bed, now lie in it, and that's the feeling I'm getting.

But we all make mistakes sometimes.

 

[Abstract]

Don't feel stupid as you aren't in any way or form. I actually think you have done remarkably well with very little therapy. Probably the type of use of it that someone quite together and without childhood trauma is more likely to make. From what I gather you do have childhood trauma, do have significant dissociation and have suffered a long time before getting help.

I think some of us find it hard to accept help and it is challenge staying in therapy. I don't mean that is the case for you in an extreme sense as I know you have allowed yourself much more room to let people in and have done well with this t. I mean it more in a sense of it not feeling comfortable and that it isn't going to be appealing to prolong the dynamic in some ways. There is also a lot of information on the site that steer one towards doing a short course of therapy and then getting out and doing it. In my opinion that is usually unlikely to work with childhood trauma. Doing is really important. Often we need therapy to help us take that next step.

There is the trauma work itself, then there is understanding of the patterns we have in relationships, there are attachment issues, there are new skills to learn and practice. We need to be challenged with difficult situations in life and see how we cope as that usually brings more stuff up. The way I see it is that it is a journey and there is no ceiling to how much we can grow.

The longer we are in therapy the more subtle, deep problems surface and more childhood defences loom. Staying and working through these things can teach us a lot and help us find full healing.

Just my take on this. This is a big opportunity for growth so there is no need to beat yourself uo about it. I think it's worthwhile looking deeply into what emotions are coming up and where they originated from.

 

[Rumors]

I don't really have a theory or ideology on therapy, but my plan is to keep talking until it doesn't bother me to talk about it anymore.... I may be there forever! ;)

Good luck! Can you get back in touch with the therapist and go back? Or, maybe find another one? I hope you find a resolution to your feelings.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think some of us find it hard to accept help and it is challenge staying in therapy.

Thank you for being encouraging. I think what you've said above hits the nail on the head. I deal with stuff by myself, because that's the way I know best. When I have let other people 'look after' me, they have been dominant abusive people who saw needy old me, so I don't like being needy, it makes me vulnerable, and relying on anyone else is asking for disaster.

So I do things myself, then people say I'm stupid for doing things by myself. The whole getting helpful support thing, is a dynamic that I can't get. I am an idiot for stopping therapy at the moment. I just didn't need to hear it lol. I have no choice but to go on by myself now. I was hoping to find others who maybe had done it. I feel very isolated from even here now because I've done something stupid and it seems like everyone else somehow knows not to stop therapy.

Thank you for believing I can do it Abstract.

 

[Tinyflame]

No meadowsweet you are not an idiot.

Very few things cannot be undone. If this is a realization for you, begin again with the same T or a new one. :hug:

 

[Meadowsweet]

I was told that if I needed to go back, it might have to be with someone different. I would feel so weak doing that too, like I've failed and am useless without someone.

 

[Queen Boudica]

There is also a lot of information on the site that steer one towards doing a short course of therapy and then getting out and doing it. In my opinion that is usually unlikely to work with childhood trauma. Doing is really important. Often we need therapy to help us take that next step.

There is the trauma work itself, then there is understanding of the patterns we have in relationships, there are attachment issues, there are new skills to learn and practice. We need to be challenged with difficult situations in life and see how we cope as that usually brings more stuff up. The way I see it is that it is a journey and there is no ceiling to how much we can grow.

The longer we are in therapy the more subtle, deep problems surface and more childhood defences loom. Staying and working through these things can teach us a lot and help us find full healing.

.

Oh @Abstract that is so helpful to someone who has been in long term therapy and is struggling because I feel like I should be able to move on. There is a lot on here about short term and getting out and doing it. But yes, childhood trauma, you need much more help doing it. But there is that push to do it yourself no help.

Staying and working through these things I really like that. In fact quoted most of this because it explains it so well and I want to keep that stuck in my head every time I panic about therapy and leaving.

 

[Queen Boudica]

You have not failed @Meadowsweet. You tried hard and you recognise you still need that help. You are being responsible and doing the right thing to get help. You are not useless without someone, you just need that extra help to push you to your full potential. Everyone needs that.