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How Did You Sleep Last Night?

I dreamed that I fell off a building x 200 ft. at a construction site. I awoke sweating, heart racing, head throbbing. Not a good night. However, I did get a good nap in this afternoon.
 
My sleep is changing and improving. I accept now that it will be a bit patchy and all over the place. It is what it is. I have been able to stop the comfort eating, and the binge eating at night, which was triggered by the fear of rape. I had despaired of ever getting to that point, and I am doing that on a medically supervised medication taper.

One thing I did for the longest time was play "The Mindful Way Through Depression" on repeat every night that really did help. Now I am putting on comedians to listen to, and it really helps me anchor to wake up and hear their funny jokes, even if I fall right back to sleep. So at the moment I am listening to John Oliver, and it is really soothing for me. Not the right thing to do, having TV in the bedroom, but for me I have had to think out of all the squares.

I am doing The Alexander Technique with a good teacher, and I have done one and a half hours of semi supine today. I am being very dedicated to the practises. All of the trauma is coming out of my body. It is releasing in a variety of ways. My psoas muscle is still contracted but it is closer to releasing than it has ever been. I actually slept in the position that my Alexander Technique teacher suggested to me and it really made a difference to my pain during the night. I kept adjusting the cushions throughout the night. I woke up 5 times but not in panic attacks or rape terrors. It will be possible for me to sleep at night one day. I am on the way to unpicking that one. And I had kind of thought radical acceptance with this one as it has been a life long problem, since I was a small child.
 
Now that I am getting much better at pain management with pillows and different postures, in bed, I am starting to manage sleeping a lot better.

I find if I go to bed when my partner goes to bed I don't do the comfort eating thing. I do some at times, and none at other times.

So I am step by step, bit by bit, breaking down the terror of rape at night. I had kind of accepted it would never get better because I have been working on my nightmares on and off for over 30 years, I didn't get for the longest time that you need to have a safe place to live, and there is no safety in public housing where I was.

Anyway my whole sleeping process is really morphing and improving.

It will have ups and downs, and it is what it is, that is life from having so much night time and bed time rapes for the first 13-14-15 years of my life. The thing is though, is that my sleep is improving. And I am so grateful, because my sleep, and lack of it, has been so tough on my recovery.
 
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Didn't get the least bit sleepy until 2ish in the morning, which is unusual, but finally crawled into bed and slept like a rock until 10ish. The spring forward time change usually makes my sleep cycle go in the other direction, but so far, not so much. Looking forward to rising with the sun again.
 
:(This sleep topic is a doozy, isn’t it?
If I have two nights a year without nightmares, it feels like a miracle and I wake up feeling so happy.
I hope your sleep gets better. Wish I had some healing words that would do more.....for all of us.
 

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