Feeling like a zombie myself. I can't sleep. My eyes feel heavy but I can't sleep.
I haven't slept well since my near fatal motor vehicle accident, the cause of my PTSD symptoms. I am also grieving the loss of my sister. I am also grieving the loss of my twin brother who is very much so alive but unwilling to understand my boundaries and his reaction to my expressed boundaries was to cut me out of his life. His wife told me that I can't dictate how people act. I can most certainly dictate how people treat me. Unfortunately, he is unwilling to have this much needed conversation. What makes matters worse is that my family can't seem to understand me or what I am going through and they don't know how to support me and refuse to listen to me. Everybody walking away from me instead of supporting me is what I am currently experiencing and I'm not sure there can ever be reconciliation between us. This, all of it is having a negative impact on my sleep. I was busy trying not to die in my hospital bed and my family didn't even consider coming to visit on the day of my accident. When I needed somebody most they weren't there and now they expect that I should just accept their unsolicited advice that is short sighted because they can't consider me. They just consider themselves. Maybe my twin brother cutting himself out of my life is for the best. I don't think he's ever gonna be capable of understanding. At the same time I have to protect my mental and emotional health.
I need my brain to be more functional. Sleep would help. I just can't do anything. I am functionally paralyzed if that makes sense. I can walk but my fatigue negatively impacts me.
I've been reading through some of these threads and I wish I could remember who posted it but it helped... somebody wrote something to the effect of "radical acceptance" I would have liked to have been able to properly quote and acknowledge but when I was reading and contemplating that post my computer shut down and I lost my place. But ya, "radical acceptance" instead of suffering through the expectations of others just accept and acknowledge... whoever posted that comment, thank you. Maybe I just need to accept what is for now and just sleep when I can ?
