My Therapist Wants To Talk This Morning...

[Justmehere]

But we talked yesterday. After I went to the ER and they told me to calm down or I would be escorted out by security. I told them I was there for a psych eval. So much for that. I didn't even get to the point of telling them I self injured and I continue to not be safe to myself. (My form of self injury is life threatening at this point.). It's been a very long time since I have self injured, but a stone of triggers happened yesterday and I am coming undone.

My therapist wants to call me this morning. We talked last night. I've already self injured again over the night despite trying 30 different skills I have to not self injure. I'm really not doing well and I don't think there is anything she can do. I don't see the point in talking anymore. We were going to come up with a plan for today.

How do I handle this? Please, any advice welcome - I know I'm not seeing any of the clearly or objectively. I am feeling strong drive to do many self destructive things. Going back to the ER is not really likely to help. I am looking into partial or total hospitalization programs online right now. I read someone posting about trauma units at Shepard Pratt and I know that I probably need to be someplace like that.

It will take time to make that happen and I have to survive today. I have to make it through this call with my therapist when I really don't want to talk to her and have her get discouraged an quit because nothing is working right now.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Can your therapist not assist you getting the urgent help you need? Isn't it better to talk to them, than to no one at all? Sure it's her job to stop you from getting discouraged and quitting?

Sorry I can't be of much help - supporter in the UK, rather than sufferer or anyone who understands the US healthcare system.

Keep us posted, and keep trying your different tools. I know from my hubby that something that didn't work three hours ago might work now.

Thinking of you x

 

[Rumors]

Really sorry you are struggling. Is there anyone that you can be with today? Friend, family? Hang in there...

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm sorry, I have never knew what Knives hands and euphoria felt like....I beat the crap out of myself but that is just self loathing, I would at least talk to her but don't be discouraged about trying to get in In Patient. There are many resources it just breaks my heart that you would want that forever.....Nobody deserves that. Remember that hurdle you went thru years back but, got thru it. You will get thru this one too. Prays going up for you!

 

[Ed Norton]

JMH I believe that @Solara can tell you more about SP. It does sound like you need an intervention, since your tools aren't working right now. Your friend left a "Goodbye note". You have a very triggering story in the newspaper involving you. You have work stressors and your stress cup is overflowing. I don't really have advice but great empathy for what you're going through. I really hope that you can find an effective tool to deal with the self injury. If worse comes to worse you csn go the ER.and say that you have thoughts and intentions about hurting yourself. And they have to keep you at least 72 hours. At least that is how it is in NY. You probably need a break from all ofvthe stressors, you can be more detailed once admitted to the treating psychiatrist.

 

[darrenS]

If your therapist rings Sheppard Pratt , they can get you in on the same day , if they have a space, if not they will keep you safe in a hospital and as soon as a spot opens up they will transfer you . Your T and a Psychiatrist need to talk to the admissions office

 

[City Slicker]

@Justmehere I wish I had some words that could help but I can reflect back to you the words I hear in your post: you mentioned you are not seeing things clearly right now - so the most important thing is to ensure that you are kept safe until you can feel restored to being able to see things clearly.

You mentioned you don't want your therapist to become discouraged and give up because nothing is working - I would like to turn it around and tell you to please not feel discouraged and give up on you.

Let your therapist help - I also don't know the health care system in the US but if your therapist can intervene and advocate for you, is it possible she can get you a hospital bed or a placement in the treatment centre you mentioned without you having to jump through hoops.

And lastly, while it may feel right this moment that nothing is working, it is working, you are not giving up on you. I can see how hard you are hanging on for dear life. We are hanging onto you too.

 

[scout86]

How do I handle this?

Do the call and listen to your T She's very good at what she does and she IS thinking clearly. You've found a good resource in her. This is a time to trust your judgement THEN and just trust HER.

I really don't want to talk to her and have her get discouraged an quit because nothing is working right now.

One of the cool things about you is the way you always want to look out for everyone else. I'm pretty sure your T can look out for herself. SHE can handle feeling discouraged, if she feels that way. It's just a feeling. Doesn't mean she's going to quit, She doesn't sound like the quitting type.

:hug: @Justmehere You take care of yourself and let your T help you do that!

 

[Rumors]

@Justmehere I didn't know you had so much going on, but if it makes you feel better I can't count the number of stories done on my family, good and bad, based on the type of work we do. Negative press leaves the minds of most people as quickly as it enters, but let me assure you so does positive press. It doesn't matter how much good we might do for the community, they forget it as quickly which doesn't really matter to me. You do things for others because you want to...Those who know you and love you pay no attention. The people who really "see" you are the ones you need to attach to. I "see" you and think you are beautiful. I could care less what some bullsh*t news article says. Sending you a big hug and want to remind you that you are worthy of love and happiness dear. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. I think you are amazing and want you to feel better soon. Ok???

 

[joeylittle]

@Justmehere, you're actually doing really well by tackling the problem. I'm not saying that to minimize your pain, which sounds really profound. Just to let you know that you've got some skills kicking in, even without you telling them to.

Talk to your therapist about making a plan. Do you have a local hospital with a decent PHP? if the PHP exists, the odds are good that the inpatient wing is good as well. Since you are having some comorbid issues (self-injury especially), it might be good to just get some immediate relief by admitting yourself. If you have a psychiatrist, ask your therapist to help you figure out if they have practicing rights anywhere local. They can refer you, and you do not need to do the ER again.

You can also ask your therapist to go to the ER with you. Don't be afraid to keep asking for help.

If you can, bundle up whatever you use to self-harm and just get it out of the house.

 

[Friday]

When I don't see the point, I usually do "it" just to find out what the point is... Rather than not, because I don't see a point to it.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you so much for the support and advice everyone.

I did talk to my therapist. I don't know what to say. I don't know if it went well. My head is convinced she is sick of me, etc. She says this is all stuff from childhood, and it's not true right now. She says where I am at and why I am struggling - this makes sense to her. I told her I'm trying to understand. She said I'm so "in it" I may not understand right now.

I was also turned town by the two local PHPs my insurance covers. It is impossible to get an inpatient bed anywhere in my state unless imminently suicidal, and even then, they often hold people in the ER for 3-6 days before transferring to a hospital. The ER doc said, "come when you have a gun to your head." Because the shortage of beds is so severe, my therapist doesn't know what to do but to try to send me to another state. My insurance just informed me it will take 4-6 weeks to approve or deny that. State rules and laws give them 3 days to approve or deny... I started to call to find a good attorney and lost all hope before picking up the phone.

My body hurts from the self injury. I've now resorted to using my bear hands to injure myself...

I quit everything.