Relationship SHE MESSAGED ME! Need advice ASAP

[solemn93]

I am curious as to how you feel she was cruel and strung you along? I do understand she did not provide you with all the information about being with her ex, but am I missing something else?

She told me she'd let me know if she moved on, that she would get in touch and return my things.
She would never have said anything if my friend hadn't demanded she step up and talk to me like am adult

 

[Neverthesame]

I didn't say it wasn't childish behaviour, or bad. I said it happens frequently. Put me on ignore if you want to, doesn't matter to me. I'm not likely to tell you what you want to hear anyway.

 

[blackemerald1]

I assume you have put me on ignore already, I don't care either. Likely you will not want to hear this either.

You have a broken heart... and I am sorry for that but really - you were there for the breaking. You have to take some responsibility for how you feel now.

You had a TWO month relationship/dating phase and after that whilst you swore lifelong love and allegiance she went off to do her own thing for well....a really long time and now forever..

Each of you had a choice's and needless to say you don't like hers but she is still thoroughly entitled to date and live however she wants to and with whomever she wants to. As for her re-establishing a relationship with her ex.. that is also her prerogative. You have to stop thinking like her 'keeper' - you are not and being a 'keeper' is unhealthy and exhausting.

At least now you know where you stand!

If you thought as much about your own health, happiness and loved yourself as much as you proclaim to love her - you would be one fantastic human being. Why not start doing that?

She may have been a bit shabby around the edges with returning belongings but I think you could have retrieved them at any time and it was in fact you who chose not to make positive steps to get them. Possibly you wanted to have a plausible reason to see her again?

Ask one of your mutual friends to go pick them up for you and be done with it.

@solemn93 we've all been there and probably had at least as much or worse done too. Time to invest in yourself and get on with your life, be successful and happy with yourself rather than some unsubstantiated illusion.

I always think success and heaps of it is a great remedy for the heart! :)

 

[Freida]

@Neverthesame
Adults are honest and up front. Adults don't ghost. Adults don't refuse to return someone's possessions so that they can be a fallback option. Not only that, but she cheated as well.
Every one that knows us irl agrees that it's sh*tty behavior. That shes childish. They convinced ME of this, I wanted to defend her. You don't know us, you're a stranger on the internet and I'll be putting you on ignore too.

People with PTSD do this stuff all the time. Its part of the risk of having a relationship with someone with PTSD.
And people who are just asshats do this stuff all the time. Because it is who they are.
Shes been very clear with you on what she needs to be happy. Your choice is to live with it or leave.
You need to make the choice that is best for you --without blaming her for your decision.

 

[Muttly]

She would never have said anything if my friend hadn't demanded she step up and talk to me like am adult

You don't actually know this. It could well be true, but you can't know for sure what her intentions were. You also can't know for sure how she defines "moving on". Nor do you know why she wasn't returning your things. I am not saying that to say that her behavior is ok. I understand that it is painful when a relationship doesn't work out. You are focusing a lot on her thoughts, life and motivations and that can keep you from working on your own feelings and life. At the very least, it can be a a road to frustration because you can't control her or truly know what she's thinking which means she's going to continually do things that aren't what you expect, want or feel should happen.

I know it's hard, more relationships don't work out than do. Very few of us end up with the first person we are with. In terms of relationships, two months isn't long. You tried, it didn't work. You know that she's currently with her ex and is choosing to not be with you. So now you get to take what learning you can from that relationship and move onto whatever is next in your life.

 

[somerandomguy]

Adults are honest and up front. Adults don't ghost. Adults don't refuse to return someone's possessions so that they can be a fallback option.

Bullshit, dude. Adults do that all the time. You aren't special.

Not only that, but she cheated as well.

I hardly call that cheating as you never made any sort of commitment to each other. Your obsession is not her problem.

Work on yourself. Leave her the f*ck alone.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

She's refused to have anything to do with you for months and months. You were separated longer than you were together, most people would have given up long ago. I don't see how a different wording on a sentence would have made it easier for you to accept.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[EveHarrington]

Adults are honest and up front. Adults don't ghost. Adults don't refuse to return someone's possessions so that they can be a fallback option. Not only that, but she cheated as well.

How long have you been an adult?

I’m not trying to be rude, but adults do a lot of shitty behavior.

Over time you’ll discover that there really is no magic long between childhood and adulthood, like most of us are lead to believe.

The truth? The truth is that most of us are just bumbling around trying to find our place in this world, and along the way we do a lot of shitty things.

We don’t turn 18 and magically have it all figured out.

I understand that you’re mad, but I think you’re expecting something more along the lines of perfection once someone crosses the age 18 line.