Changing your name...?

[Deleted member 47099]

So I've still got parts in disagreement about how to go forward with this... It's still an internal argument of yes-no-maybe-yes-no-maybe.

I'm stuck on a weird aspect of it at the moment... kinda hard to explain.

So, traditionally, over countless millenia, names were not something we chose our self. We have always been given our names by our tribes. It's something that's *given* and it's a social thing. No one needs a name - it's something that's needed by others in a social situation, so they can call you or refer to you.

And in that subtle way... that sense that it's a tribal thing... one of my parts is adamant that I somehow need the universe's or the tribe's permission or blessing to change my name.

Probably their blessing more - permission doesn't quite capture what I mean.

Names have to do with identity and identity has to do with who we are in a tribe.

And one of my parts is convinced that we can't 100% change that on our own.

I think I need to find some kind of ritual to do this.

I've got my birthday coming up in a few weeks... Maybe I'll try and think of some ritual that I can do for one year... From one birthday to the next, asking the universe and my metaphorical tribe for spiritual permission/ the blessing to change my name.

I think part of that ritual will be me explaining my reasons for wanting to change my name. I think the reasons are important and I think they need to be the right reasons to feel like I have the universe's blessing for going ahead and changing my name.

I know this sounds kind of frou-frou and I'm not usually this spiritual about stuff - but I can tell there's a part that is absolutely insisting on this - and if I ignore her, she'll just keep yelling about this louder and louder until she's heard. So may as well listen now and get it over and done with.

Edit to add:
Weirdly, this part is okay with me changing my first name. It's got more of the "tribal blessing" bellyaches about changing my surname.
I have no idea why.

Edit to add:
It feels like a rite of passage.

 

[Aviatrix]

So I've still got parts in disagreement about how to go forward with this... It's still an internal argument of yes-no-maybe-yes-no-maybe.

I'm stuck on a weird aspect of it at the moment... kinda hard to explain.

So, traditionally, over countless millenia, names were not something we chose our self. We have always been given our names by our tribes. It's something that's *given* and it's a social thing. No one needs a name - it's something that's needed by others in a social situation, so they can call you or refer to you.

And in that subtle way... that sense that it's a tribal thing... one of my parts is adamant that I somehow need the universe's or the tribe's permission or blessing to change my name.

Probably their blessing more - permission doesn't quite capture what I mean.

Names have to do with identity and identity has to do with who we are in a tribe.

And one of my parts is convinced that we can't 100% change that on our own.

I think I need to find some kind of ritual to do this.

I've got my birthday coming up in a few weeks... Maybe I'll try and think of some ritual that I can do for one year... From one birthday to the next, asking the universe and my metaphorical tribe for spiritual permission/ the blessing to change my name.

I think part of that ritual will be me explaining my reasons for wanting to change my name. I think the reasons are important and I think they need to be the right reasons to feel like I have the universe's blessing for going ahead and changing my name.

I know this sounds kind of frou-frou and I'm not usually this spiritual about stuff - but I can tell there's a part that is absolutely insisting on this - and if I ignore her, she'll just keep yelling about this louder and louder until she's heard. So may as well listen now and get it over and done with.

Edit to add:
Weirdly, this part is okay with me changing my first name. It's got more of the "tribal blessing" bellyaches about changing my surname.
I have no idea why.

Edit to add:
It feels like a rite of passage.

I love your idea of a feeling of 'as far as the universe goes, you get the go ahead.'

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

I totally get that need for a tribal blessing.

Do you have any cultures in your family history that you are proud of or interested in? For example, my 3 or 4x great grandmother gifted me with maori blood so I incorporated some te reo and tradition into our wedding. I also know even further back that we're Scottish and perhaps Swedish.

I think there are multiple kinds of tribes out there that you already have and can definitely seek out. A tribe, in my opinion, is not necessarily who you were born into (family history/ancestral tribes) but more so a group of people - however small or large - who share similar philosphies and who are supportive of you.

 

[Nadia]

This was strikingly relevant to me. I've recently escaped by abuser, and I'm having to reinvent myself at 17. It's scary stuff. Being diagnosed with PTSD at such a young age... I don't want to be associated with that family ever again. I'm from a small town. My surname is infamous (grandfather arrested for attempted murder... not a great association to have). I'm planning on moving to the Northern Territory, so I wouldn't have that issue... but I don't want to be "her" anymore. The child who was abused. The victim. I need to be me.

I went through my family tree- I've researched extensively. I found one person that I had forgotten about, that was nice to me as a child and never hurt me. She was abused in the state ward system as a kid, and lived to tell the tale. She's very strong. I've decided I'd take her maiden name- Sposito.

Then, I researched names from my heritage. I tested out well over fifty combinations. I found two names that, together, represent all aspects of my ethnic background. Their meaning also means a lot to me- "hope" and "reborn". They pretty accurately surmise the whole experience. I'm giving myself hope for the future and being reborn into a person away from the trauma I've experienced. As soon as I turn 18, I'll change my name.

It's going to be very strange. I do, however, look forward to it. I wish you luck in your search for your name.

 

[Ronin]

one of my parts is convinced that we can't 100% change that on our own.

From someone who actually lives by those rules / still holds them dear... You can see that decision to change names et all, and taking steps to it, as directed by the spirits / people past, already (and people within you are people.)

It is, also, traditionally held that decisions of the spirits overrule those of people, given people are fallible, easily corrupt, and all.

A part of the reason even the very corrupt people in quite a few tribal cultures argue by Blessed by other authority, measures. Since still someone(s) else calling the shots, not people, or just the people.

So here to: The authority you may need for that kind of move, you probably already have.